We, Not Me

Last night a friend asked me how many children I Chris and I want, to which I answered "three to four ... depending on, you know, a lot of variables." We briefly discussed the variables, which include my sanity after being the mother of two, our finances, everyone's health, etc., etc. "Three to four" is our standard answer these days, though I know we both lean toward four but don't want to be greedy. We were blessed enough to have one healthy, amazing son who grows more and more engaging and miraculous by the hour, and the older he gets, the larger we want to grow this family. So far, I've had very routine, enjoyable pregnancies and one easy labor (fingers crossed for a second), and life in general is extremely comfortable and easy (for lack of a better word, for surely there is one) for us. We are rooted where we are and in what we do and we have lots of support. Why not ride this child-bearing wave as far as it takes us?

But as said conversation with friend and a recent post of one of my favorite blogs reminded me, more lips to kiss and the fact that I don't have trouble shedding the baby weight are not the only reasons we'd like to have a large brood. Both Chris and I are family people, something I think we recognized in one another very early on. Unlike many guys you date in college, he couldn't wait to meet my parents or to introduce me to his family. I felt the same.

Personally, I am the product of one-of-five and one-of-six, and I have so many wonderful aunts and uncles and cousins. Growing up, all you had to do was invite family over for dinner and it was an insta-party. When I think family, I think big. As I was reminded by the blog post I mentioned, I think we instead of me. If there's a problem, there's a network of people to consider it and weigh options and share burdens. When there's a birth or a wedding or a graduation, there's a flock waiting to share in it. At some level, I guess out of numbers comes occasional drama and factioning, but in my 30 years all I really remember is that we've solved our problems as a family.

In a recent article in Harper's Bazaar Julia Roberts brought me to tears by recognizing that once you're a parent, you think much more often about your own mortality. You produce these wonderful little people and you want to spend a thousand million years growing and sharing and celebrating with them, but you're actuely aware your time is finite. I never want my kids to be in it alone. I want to give them a network, and so I want to give them numbers. And seriously, look at that picture, they are so damn cute.