In Retrospect

At this time last year, the word pregnancy was poised on my lips, but when you've had as many dissapointments at the hands of Mr. Clear Blue Easy as I have, you're careful about what you wish for. Because that kind of hope opens you up to special brand of hurt and frustration. Luckily, we avoided those struggles this year and conceived little John (Jack) Kinsey Robertson. And now here I sit like a plump mother hen. My egg above my legs instead of below. Nineteen more days (or so they claim) and I've assumed the role of lady-in-waiting. My husband's last business trip ended yesterday. My final deadline comes to a close this Monday. The nursery is complete and completely adorable. Now to wash, to fold and refold. Now to nest. Now to snuggle Nicky and laugh with him and let him be my one and only for only a little longer. Now to lay in bed at night with my husband for a couple more weeks, before an occupied bassinet will mean hushed voices and low light and a T.V. that might as well be on mute.

This year we grew, both literally and figuratively. We opened our arms over and over again to our barreling steamroller of a boy. We watched Nicky grow older and smarter and faster, yet somehow softer and more affectionate. We developed go-go-Gadget arms. We laughed (a lot). We felt very lucky. We celebrated. We cooked. We painted. We dug and we planted. We swam. We slid. We argued. We made up. We compromised. We made new friends. We made plans and cancelled many of them. We got away. We came running back. We ate. We savored. We settled in.

When I look at my husband now, I see, more than ever, an adult. A real father, a real husband, and a real partner. Though he still lacks a single wrinkle, and I just found his first gray (all of this is entirely unfair), I think he's aged in the best way this year. I really look forward to holding his hand in labor and through the rest of the year to come, and all those that follow. The best part is, I know he feels the same.

Wishing all of you health, happiness, love, and laughter in 2011. Thanks for reading.