Look Around ...

and appreciate everything.

I got this advice tonight and I really love it.

What was I supposed to be doing on this blog? Reading ... writing about it ... right. Seems we've gotten wildly off topic. Right now I'm (finally!) reading No one Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July and I have a great post in mind. Frankly, though, I just don't have the energy to write anything especially intelligent right now. My days are too full of writing, of editing.

What I do feeling like doing is ticking through the things I appreciate/love in life, beacause it's a nice pastime and my husband's not home from his business trip yet. I'm a little bored (and thankful for it, trust me). I thought about including a list of things here, but that (I think) would prove a bit redundant, and by now there are obvious themes running through my posts. I love my husband and my son and the way they love me, I love my family and friends, I love the way my life is unfolding, I love the little things. I love sitting by the fire right now, knowing that in just a few months I'll be writing posts like these from a couch on our screened-in porch. I'll be watching the trees, which will once again make me feel like there isn't another house around for miles, and listening to the hum of cicadas. And since we're no longer moving in, this time I'll be gloriously bored.

Mercy!

I get it nature! You're in control! But please, we're unprepared, both mentally and physically. We really can't take it anymore. Am I a southerner or a northerner? Do I drive in the snow or do I hole it up and bake cookies every time winter weather threatens? I don't own a snow shovel. I don't know where my winter gloves are. Please, don't make me find them.

I suffered this identity crisis this morning, wondering if I was being silly for thinking I should keep my son home when the weather reports said nothing would stick to the road. Long mental-anguish-story later, I decided to drive him in and on my way home found myself in a white-out. A total white-out. I immediately turned around and headed back to daycare, imagining that if I didn't we would end up in the tail of the D.C. storm and be hit with 8 inches and Nicky would have to sweat it out there all day. By the time I got there, I was crying on the phone with my husband saying I didn't know how I would get home. My husband is away this week. The first thought I had was to call my parents to come and get me.

As a mom, I have many (really, a ridiculous list of) goals, but chief among them are that I raise a child who:

• Is a responsible citizen
• Thinks of me as one of the first people they call when they're in trouble (even when they're 30)

I didn't call my parents. I hung out in the daycare while Nicky ate his snack, which was awesome (imagine 12 toddlers signing "more" when they have 4 cookies in front of them). We got home. We had to leave our car at steep entrace to our neighborhood and hitch a ride with a neighbor who was gracious enough to accomodate the Boda Bean.

I didn't ask my parents to come, but they did. And so did my sister and her Kelly. And we love them for it. And, turns out, my husband is coming home early tonight. And we always love him. Lots.

Self Starter

Oh, I am having trouble getting the mental motor running today. This weekend was great, but way too fast. We had more snow, making this quite a record winter for us. Not the same kind of snowstorm we had last weekend, but snow nonetheless and a wonderful reason to stay inside by the fire all day on Saturday (with the exception of a brief, bundled-up excursion around the neighborhood). Yesterday was bright and sunny and cold. We made a huge snowman with Brussels sprout eyes and grape teeth before it all started to melt. It was a heavy, wet snow and so, as it melted, clumps of it remained on the tips of branches. By the time we took our late afternoon walk, it looked like the height of cherry blossom season. A sweet little reminder of the coming spring.

Sometimes, lots of times if you're lucky, you feel like there's nowhere else in the world you'd rather be than at your home with your family doing just what you're doing at that moment. That's how we felt this weekend. As I churn out yet another assignment this week, here are the things I'll be remembering:

• The giddy feeling I got finishing Nicky's extra-large floor pillow this weekend. It's for his little reading area. Everytime I look at it I beam with pride that I can actually sew straight lines. It's the little things...
• The look of crazy toddler ectasy on Nicky's face as he crawled back and forth through his play tunnel at least 100 times a row on Saturday night. In the nude. We filled it with balls. He kept going. 
• Eating bursting blueberry pancakes on Saturday morning with the winter storm really kicking in outside the french doors.
• Engaging in a LOST marathon and sipping red wine with my husband in front of the fire on Saturday night.
• The look of crazy toddler ectasy on Nicky's face as he watched his dad and neighbor have a snowball fight with all the neighborhood boys. He was screaming with delight.
• Watching our little 5-year-old neighbor hugging on Boda and playing fetch with her. Boda gets a lot of love from these neighborhood kids. She's the loyal, stick-chasing dog I always dreamed of having when I was young.
• Laughing at Nicky wearing the t-shirt I made him. Poor kid. He's too tolerant of me sometimes.
• Turning off the Superbowl to eat dinner with one another and listen to Ira Glass.
• Folding laundry in my room listening to Chris read The Hobbit to Nicky while he splashed around in the tub. 
• Telling my husband I love him at least 20 times this weekend and really meaning it, every time.

A Breather

Only a brief one. Work has been almost unbelievably busy lately. I've been so busy that it felt like I was fitting life in around work; I've been tucking family moments into the nooks and crannies of my work days. I hate that feeling.

I completed a deadline last night and felt like a new person. I finally had a glass of wine. My husband and I ate popcorn and cookies and watched LOST Season 3 in bed. Perhaps because I grew up in a no-TV-in-the-bedroom household, I love that so much. He knows it.

So, I'm through the worst of it, for now. One more deadline on Feb. 17th, which will make for an interesting next week. My husband will be traveling, too, which will make it extra-special interesting. That's next week, though. This weekend is all ours and it feels like such a gift.

It's nice to appreciate things. Like having a job right now and a beautiful family and home and friends and family and creative outlets. And a job well done. I'm a sucker for that one. And books on the shelves, even if you don't have time to ready any of them. (By the way, after being so bogged down with work, I may be switching novels. I don't really want to read about an office right now. I'm back on the frivolous train. I do this a lot, by the way: start a novel, put it down in favor of something else, pick it up a month later. I've always done that. I appreciate the ability to do that, as well.)

I Saw You When

I used to love reading this section in C'ville Weekly when I was going to school in Charlottesville. My college housemates and I would pour over it, trying to decide if anyone was cryptically speaking to us through these postings. Anyway, if my local newspaper included I Saw You Whens, I would submit the following item.

Sweet Panera Lady
Tuesday night in Panera you came up to my table and told me you were so impressed with the way I handled my son's high-pitched public meltdown, then acted stunned when you learned he's my first. I thanked you and probably blushed and rolled my eyes. I should have said that even though I know nothing about you, I love you. I should have gotten up and shook your hand and said you have no idea how much I needed to hear that. Maybe you're a mom and you knew exactly how much I needed it. Either way. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You made my week.

Gentle Giant

I worked practically all weekend, so, as planned, I didn't even open Then We Came to the End. Nicky and I read plenty, though. He read this on the way to school this morning. It's an old favorite. While driving, I asked him what sounds the various animals make. What does the cow say? "Mooooo." What does the horsey say? "Hehehe." (He makes the cutest horse sound.) What does the bear say? "Nigh-night." Nearly all our nighttime books have bears that fall asleep ... what a cutie.

Perhaps the worst thing about working all weekend is getting up and going right back to work on Monday morning. Luckily, it doesn't happen that often. And I really do love my job. I'm just going to keep repeating that to myself.

Dam Fine

Since I'm in my office this morning, I thought I might as well make a quick post. I did start Then We Came to the End and so far it really is as Hilarious! as Stephen King promised. It's bringing back all kinds of memories of my first job as a proofreader. It takes place at almost the same time, the economic downturn in 2001, which was the year I graduated from college.

It's funny that I hardly ever, really never, think of that job, except for recently when I ran into a former coworker at Trader Joe's. She said they'd been bought out, it was such a different place, etc., etc. At the time, I couldn't even remember the names of the people I wanted to ask after. Not that it bothered me, I was just so happy that my family members and I were all showered and nicely dressed for this 11 a.m. grocery stop (I can't begin to explain how unusual this is). It occurred to me that the last time she'd seen me I was 23 years old. Ever the sentamentalist, I have never once returned to the offices I've left for the friendly pop-in.

Anyway, I'm rambling. My point is that a month ago I couldn't remember the names of all these people who are now vibrant and fresh in my mind thanks to Joshua Ferris. What a crew! Maybe I should have stayed on longer and written a memoir ...

Well, I didn't and now I'm a glorified technical writer/marketing guru. A technical writer who will be reading nothing this weekend other than a riveting piece on dam safety inspection procedures. Once I finish writing it, that is.

Have a great weekend!